One of the first stories that your student will hear at UNC Chapel Hill is the legend of the bench below Davie Poplar. According to tradition, if a couple kisses on that bench, they are destined to marry. While this legend is a cherished part of UNC’s history and traditions, it can also contribute to the pressure some students feel to immediately find their “college sweetheart.” It’s important for students to understand the foundations of healthy relationships before entering one. As family members, you can have meaningful conversations with your student about building healthy, respectful, and fulfilling relationships. This stage of life is an exciting time for personal growth, and discussing the foundations of healthy relationships can help them navigate dating with confidence.
One of the most important aspects of a strong relationship is open communication. Encourage your student to express their feelings, boundaries, and expectations clearly with their partner. Some examples of this might include saying, “I need time to focus on my homework this week, so I may not be as available to hang out,” or “I feel uncomfortable when you cancel plans last-minute—can we work on communicating better about our schedules?” Healthy relationships thrive when both individuals feel heard and respected. Remind them that it’s okay to express discomfort and that no concern is too small to discuss. Rather than bottling up emotions, honest conversations about feelings and concerns can strengthen connections and prevent misunderstandings.
In addition to open communication, boundaries play a critical role in emotional well-being. A supportive partner should respect their values and comfort levels. Encourage your student to set clear boundaries, such as deciding how much time they want to spend together on a weekly basis, whether they’re comfortable with PDA (public displays of affection), or how they feel about texting all day. For example, they might say, “I really value my personal space, so I like to have some time alone after a long day,” or “I prefer to text in the mornings and evenings rather than throughout the day.” The best relationships are built on mutual respect, honesty, accountability, and trust. Let your student know that they have the power to walk away from any relationship that does not align with their well-being or values.
Lastly, remind your student that their worth is not defined by a relationship. Not having a date to a winter formal or someone to join them for a late-night run to Insomnia Cookies shouldn’t define their college experience! College often brings social pressures to date or conform to certain relationship norms, but their happiness and personal growth should always come first. Empower them to seek relationships that uplift, support, and challenge them to be their best selves—both as individuals and as students. By starting open conversations about dating and self-respect, you can help your student build strong, healthy, and meaningful relationships during their time here at UNC.