Disconnecting

Breaking up is hard to do. There can be so much drama and so much ambivalence. People take sides.  Friend networks shift. You may wonder: What should I do?  Should I call or go see them? Should I give them space? How do I manage all the pain, anger, and disappointment, the guilt, maybe the relief? 

Whichever side of the breakup you are on it’s not easy. With every ending, though, there are, sooner or later, new beginnings.

Dealing with a Break-up: Common Problems

• Feel alone/isolated
• Loss
• Question your own judgment
• Keep seeing the person
• Shared social and online network
• Perceiving mixed messages
• They don’t seem to hurt

Dealing with a Break-up: What Helps

• Find a way to get some distance
• Seek support from other friends
• See  the good and the bad about the other person, don’t idealize or demonize them
• Affirm and trust yourself and your future
• Take care of yourself

Dealing with a Break-up: Specific Strategies

• Write an unsent letter to your ex
• List top 3 things you’ll miss about your ex/relationship & top 3 things you’re relieved to have ended
• Create a ritual to say goodbye
• Journal about your goals and dreams
• Incorporate new elements into the old routines that remind you of your ex

For more ideas about coping with a break up we recommend: http://www.utdallas.edu/counseling/breakups/