Thanksgiving is a time to relax, enjoy good food, and spend quality time with your loved ones. There might also be conflict, and that’s normal. Conflict is a natural part of all relationships and, when it’s handled in the right way, can be an opportunity to create stronger bonds and have more meaningful conversations.
We hope these strategies help you confidently navigate conflict and enjoy a peaceful, stress-free Thanksgiving.
Set intentions.
Before guests arrive, set intentions. Intentions can help us feel more grounded and positive because they give our actions a purpose and tell us where to spend energy.
When setting your intentions, reflect on your personal values and try to be as specific as possible. Consider writing them down so you can remind yourself of them later. Intentions might look like:
- I choose to be patient.
- I will engage in activities that fuel me.
- I will spend as much time as I can with my aunt.
Find alternative subjects.
To keep conversations on a peaceful path, have a few neutral subjects in mind, such as:
- Hobbies. Talk about any new hobbies you’ve taken up or ask about someone else’s.
- Pets. Ask how a person’s pet is doing. They’ll be more than happy to show you lots of photos.
- Sports. If you enjoy sports, ask others about their favorite sports teams and if they’re excited about any upcoming games.
Be a builder.
Sometimes, it’s hard talking to someone who has different opinions than you. It may make you feel defensive and unsupported. However, instead of focusing on differences, try building bridges of understanding to find common ground. This turns a frustrating conversation into a calm, open discussion that leaves both parties feeling heard and understood. Here are ways to do this:
- Ask nonjudgmental, open-ended questions. Be curious.
- Listen and try to understand the other person’s views.
- Reflect on and summarize the other person’s perspective.
- Agree. No matter how much we disagree, there’s always something – an underlying value, or the validity of their experiences, at the very least – where you can agree. Identify points you agree on and take the conversation from there.
Set boundaries.
Boundaries help others understand what your comfort levels are. It’s important to let people know what your boundaries are if they aren’t familiar with them.
For instance, you may feel uncomfortable discussing certain topics. This is a good time to set boundaries. Here are ways to do that:
- “I’m uncomfortable with that topic. Do you mind if we talk about something else?”
- “I’d rather not talk about this. How about we discuss…”
Disengage.
Sometimes, walking away from a situation is the best thing to do. It gives you a chance to regulate your emotions and keeps you from saying something in the heat of the moment you might regret later.
- Find a quiet place to calm down and understand your emotions.
- Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling.
- Bring activities that help ground you – fidgets, a journal, a good book.
Stay busy.
Staying engaged with tasks or activities can keep you from getting drawn into tricky conversations and conflict.
- Volunteer to help out in the kitchen.
- Entertain the kids if you have any visiting.
- Play a fun game with others outside.
Seek professional support.
If Thanksgiving conflict leaves you feeling stressed and overwhelmed, or if you want to explore specific strategies to help you manage conflict, consider setting up an appointment with CAPS. You can drop in for an initial assessment at CAPS between 9:00 a.m. and noon or 1:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. on weekdays, or call CAPS anytime, 24/7, at 919-966-3658.
Takeaways
Conflict is a normal part of all relationships, especially during the holiday season. However, with these strategies, we hope you can navigate conflict in a way that allows you to create stronger bonds, engage in meaningful conversations, and enjoy a Thanksgiving full of gratitude and peace.